Tag: you know you've been in China far too long when...

"you know you've been in China far too long when..." - part IV

fonsboy 09:14h

You never ask "Why?" anymore.

You can pick up any type of food using just your chopsticks... even peanuts.

You look at something else when talking to someone.

You start every conversation with the question: “Do you have a boy/girlfriend?”.

You believe that every city in China is a "small town".

The entire world's problems can be solved with the utterance of a single word... "mei guan xi".

You put one foot on your chair seat while you eat and pick at your toe cheese mindlessly with your free hand.

You relish the thought of pizza hut, but only go when you want it to be a special occasion.

When denying someone something they expected or counted on you just say "Sorry" (buhaoyise) with no explaination whatsoever.

You are washing your socks in the sink.

When you sit in the restaurant with your finger up your nose to your elbow and stare at the laowai. Then you pull it out, inspect it, roll it into a ball and casually flick it onto the wall or the closest person's plate.

When you wear nylon kneehighs with your best dress.

You accept without question the mechanic's analysis that the car is "Broken" and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it "Fixed".

You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your trousers, or you have your suits made with terrycloth pockets.

You regard traffic signals, stop signs, and copy watch peddlers with equal disdain.

When listening to the pilot prove he cannot speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the air traffic controller.

You wear nylons when it is 30 degrees outside.

You forget that the other person needs to finish speaking before you can start.

You understand all the above listed references.

source [shanghaiexpat.com]

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you know you've been in china far too long when... part III

fonsboy 11:24h

You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.

You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue.

You find it perfectly normal to order for everyone at a restaurant without asking them.

Lighting up a cigarette in the middle of a meal, holding the cigarette in the middle of the table, and blowing smoke in everyones face while they're eating...
AND continue eating while smoking your cigarette is "chic”.

You ACTUALLY believe that there is no possible way you can be wrong.

When asked your reasons you just repeat "Sorry" (buhaoyisi).

You chew on "Ducks blood" like a fatty piece of beef.

You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.

You blow your nose or spit on the restaurant floor (of course after making a loud hocking noise) .

You throw your trash out the window of your house, your car or bus.

You start to watch CCTV9 and feel warm and comforted by the governments great work.

You burp in any situation and don't care.

In a meeting you say everything will be 'wonderful' and give no details.

You find that it saves time to stand and retrieve your hand luggage while the plane is on final approach.

When you insist on paying the bill and fumble with your purse or wallet so long that the other person pays anyway.

You have no reservations about spitting sun flower seeds on the restaurant floor.

You giggle like a giddy little school girl at the mere allusion to the word "sex".

You forget what salt tastes like.

You understand all the above listed references.

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"you know you've been in China far too long when..." - part II

fonsboy 12:56h

You find yourself sleeping on a motorcycle that parks in the middle of the city-highway.

You sneeze on someone while having a conversation instead of covering your mouth.

You ignore the fact that you just bumped into an 80 year old lady, sending her for a dirt sample and spilling all her groceries.

You ignore the fact that someone else just bumped into an 80 year old lady, sending her for a dirt sample and spilling all her groceries.

In the rain, you spot a vacant taxi which is 10 minutes away and you have already planned how you are going to jump out with great enthusiasm in the road, elbow everyone else trying to claim it, and wave your hands everywhere in a 'look at me I'm a goal keeper' kind of fashion.

You go back to your home country to visit and tell all your guy friends they "are handsome".

You sit on the very edge of your chair and bring your mouth to your food, not your food to your mouth.

You eat bread with a fork.

You order things on the menu based on "face" value depending on who you're dining with.

You except that the bathroom sink "doesn't work" and just use the kitchen.

You think it's silly to buy a new bike when it'll get stolen soon and stolen bikes are half the price.

You think you should wear nylon sox with your Niky in the summer, instead of a cotton one.

You always leave tray and trash on the table when you are in Starbucks and Big Mac because you insisted it is the way to keep everyone employed.

You are ‘hardworking’ person, voluntarily OT everyday, as you only chatted with friends during office hours.

You buy an XXXL T-shirt in store when you returned home.

You take large sum of cash whenever you go hospital in home country.

You finally decide to eat at McDonalds to put some solids into your body.

You like to watch CNN or BBC News World on TV.

You see a stray cat on the street and say "Hmmm... Lunch!" .

You think that a $7 shirt is a rip-off.

You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags.

When listening to the pilot prove he cannot speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the air traffic controller.

You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.

Hookers buy you drinks.

You get your first case of bronchitus and you have never smoked a cigarette in your life.

The idea of seeing how this place will look at Expo 2010 actually appeals to you.

You understand all the above listed references.

More to come!

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